WARNING: This story contains adult language, themes and disgusting Steve Bannon-like behavior. But that part is based on a supposedly true story someone once told me.

A Very Sick Man

There once was a man who was extremely sick. He had the world's rarest (and weirdest) disease: Cartoonitis. His bizarre symptoms were both excruciatingly painful and humiliating. Beyond the limits of human conception, really — but not the limits of human endurance.

Electric Etymology

Have you been literally dying to know the linguistic origin story of my name: Benjamin Edison? Of course you have...not. But I'm going to tell you anyway. Because, even though I'm purely fictional, I'm probably even more egotistical than you.

The Silver Pirate

The silver pirate lives in Golden Gate Park about a block from Mat’s tiny apartment. He is a life-sized fictional metal person with two swords, two peg legs, two hooks for hands, two eye-patches and two seeing-eye parrots on his shoulders.