The Gospel of GunZilla

GunZilla, the one true Gun Death God, was awakened from eternal slumber in 1364 GunZilla hoodie sidebarwhen humans discovered firearms. The first shot fired was a supernatural alarm clock that brought Him out of divine hibernation and into our Earthly realm.

As firearms evolved from matchlocks to flintlocks to modern-day high-caliber assault weapons, and more people died by gun, GunZilla grew ever more powerful. He derives his strength and nutrition from drinking the blood of sacrificial humans.

Like other Death Gods in the historical religious pantheon, the bigger and stronger GunZilla becomes, the more blood He requires for sustenance and satiation. Offerings of human victims have slaked His violent thirst over the centuries – and kept Him from destroying humanity with gunfire-breathing fury.

GunZilla Fun Facts!

  • GunZilla has a gun for a penis: a “Glock-cock” that is always loaded and ready for action! Since He stands 350 feet tall, it is the size of a cannon.
  • About 500 years ago, GunZilla had a wife/consort whose vagina was a massive holster. But on their wedding night, upon consummating their marriage, GunZilla accidentally slaughtered his beloved by ejaculating a rapid-fire barrage of torpedoes that instantly shredded her scaly loins.
  • Fortunately, GunZilla doesn’t need to procreate because he is immortal – as long as we humans keep offering some of ourselves in sacrifice. If GunZilla stopped getting human blood to drink, he would eventually die from dehydration.

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